


Who I Am

by hedgehoggery



Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mokuton, Original Character Death(s), marking mature for the violence, self indulgent dialog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 08:52:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgehoggery/pseuds/hedgehoggery
Summary: After transferring to ANBU from ROOT, Tenzo has to reckon with his past. When a mission goes bad in a hurry, he starts to think he should've stayed in ROOT after all.In this one-shot story, Tenzo has been in ANBU for about a year. He's about 15 and Kakashi is about 18. They're not really together yet, but it's kind of leading up to that eventuality.





	Who I Am

It happened so fast.

One second, the three ANBU soldiers were setting out their bed rolls and settling in for the night, exhausted from their long mission and relieved to be on the final stretch of the journey home. The next second, enemy nin were on them, pouncing from every direction and attacking without mercy. 

The team reacted immediately - Kakashi’s chidori lit up the night sky to reveal the mangled bodies of those he’d killed, Tenzo’s mokuton grew out of the ground and pierced the flesh of those in its way, Hanako’s water roared towards the enemy like a tsunami.

The were heavily outnumbered, but the elite ANBU team had been in situations like this many a time before. They could handle it.

Or so they thought.

But it’s difficult to defend against an unknown kekkei genkai. By the time Tenzo realized their disadvantage it was too late. The cloud emanating from one of the enemies he had mistaken for smoke or a dense fog - it wasn’t until the forest around him started to burn that he realized it was hot ash.

“Hound! Bear! Get out of there, it’s a - “ he called to his teammates, using their ANBU codenames. But the sentence died on his tongue as an enemy came up behind him, nearly slicing his throat before he ducked out of the way. He leapt away and jumped backwards, drawing the fight away from the ash in hopes the rest of his team would follow. He could only hope they too had realized the severity of the jutsu they were facing.

He sent a spike of wood forward, impaling the enemy who had attacked him, and immediately two more enemies were on him.

“How many of these guys are there?!” Tenzo turned toward the familiar voice to see his senpai standing right behind him - he too had gotten as far away as possible from the thick of the battle.

“It’s never ending!” Tenzo said, staking two enemies at once. “Where’s Bear?”

“She was behind me,” Kakashi replied, giving up his chidori in favor of his sword in order to take out more enemies at once. “I don’t know where she is now.”

Tenzo cursed under his breath and tried to survey the area in the one second gap before another enemy attacked him.

“This is ridiculous,” he muttered. “Hold on!” Kakashi glanced over his shoulder at Tenzo with confusion in his eyes until he saw him drop to the ground, using the water leftover from Hanako’s attack mixed with his own earth style to coat the ground in a thick layer of mud. The enemies surrounding him and Kakashi were too slow to escape and found themselves stuck, unable to jump away or attack. 

“There she is,” Kakashi said from the branches above Tenzo where he had taken refuge from the mud. “Shit - this is bad!”

Tenzo looked over to find Hanako facing three enemies head on. She was a decent shinobi and was holding her own against them, but they were pushing her backwards directly towards the enemy with the deadly kekkei genkai. 

Tenzo and Kakashi wasted no time - they leapt through the trees towards her location.

“Bear! He’s behind you!” Tenzo yelled. She didn’t react - had she heard him at all? “Bear!!” 

Ash floated in the air around the enemy. Tenzo shot branch after branch towards him, only to have them all burned and rendered useless by the hot ash. Suddenly, the three enemies attacking Hanako retreated at once, leaping backwards and up away from her position. 

“He’s going to attack!” Kakashi said, lunging towards her. Tenzo stared in horror at the scene unfolding in front of him. Water-style could potentially render the ash harmless, but Hanako had her back to the enemy and wasn’t engaging. Kakashi and Tenzo were both still too far away to assist. Kakashi was jumping in headfirst...

Tenzo had to act. He couldn’t get there in time to stop the ash, but he could buy them more time if he got Hanako and Kakashi out. He sent two branches towards their locations, wrapping one gently around Kakashi’s waist and pulling him back. Hanako was further away - Tenzo’s branch raced against the approaching ash.

“Hanako, jump!” he yelled, forgoing codenames. “Hanako!!” 

She finally heard him and turned to see his branch coming for her. She leapt towards it without hesitation and grabbed ahold. Tenzo pulled back but the ash followed, quicker than Tenzo expected.

“Kakashi, water style!” Tenzo yelled. 

“Already on it,” Kakashi replied, just as a wave of water roared towards the enemy. The hissing of steam filled the air as the water met the hot ash, and Tenzo pulled Hanako the rest of the way towards his location. 

“Thanks,” she said as he released her. “I didn’t see the guy behind me. I thought he had pursued both of you. I don’t think I would’ve made it out if you hadn’t - “

Her sentence was cut short by a kunai flying from behind Tenzo and hitting her in the neck. With a strangled gurgle she fell to her knees, then keeled over on her side. 

Tenzo stared in confusion. It didn’t make sense. He had just  _ saved _ Hanako. She wasn’t dead. She couldn’t be dead. She was supposed to be alive. 

“Tenzo! Tenzo!!” Kakashi’s voice cut through the night and Tenzo’s confusion. Snapping to the present, he turned and sent spikes through the enemy who had attacked from the trees behind him, just as he heard Kakashi finish off the ash-user. 

“Hanako!” Tenzo yelled, turning back to her and dropping to his knees. “Hanako, wake up!” He grabbed her shoulders and shook her forcefully, her head bobbing limply around at the motion. “Hanako!!!” 

“Tenzo, stop it,” Kakashi said. He knelt down next to him and placed his hand on Tenzo’s shoulder. “She’s dead.”

“No!” Tenzo shouted. “No, she isn’t dead! Hanako, wake up!!” 

“Tenzo!” Kakashi’s grip on his shoulder tightened. “We have to get out of here. She’s gone.” 

Tenzo met Kakashi’s eyes. How could he be so callous, so heartless? Hanako wasn’t gone, if they just got her to the hospital the doctors could save her. They couldn’t just give up on her. She would never have just given up on them.

“Tenzo…” Kakashi whispered. His eyes didn’t seem harsh at all; he looked at Tenzo with a mix of sympathy and pain, his own sadness reflected clearly in his expression.

“You’re right,” Tenzo said finally. “She’s gone.” Tenzo let go of Hanako’s lifeless body and let it fall to the ground, the  _ thud _ of impact solidifying her death. With a hand sign Tenzo had hoped never to see in the field, Kakashi lit her body aflame.

“Let’s go,” Kakashi said. Tenzo tore his eyes away from his burning comrade to look at Kakashi.

“Yes senpai.”

***

The trek back to Konoha had never felt so long before, but once they finally arrived Tenzo wished he could run away and never return. How could he set foot in ANBU headquarters ever again? How could he don the uniform and go on missions if he couldn’t even keep one teammate alive?

He wanted to run directly to his apartment and never leave. He wanted to lay in his bathtub and hide from the world. He felt like he was going to throw up.

The last part he realized too late, and he found himself retching in the middle of the street that led to ANBU headquarters on the edge of town. Kakashi’s hand on his back was little comfort.

“Tenzo... “ Kakashi started.

“Stop it,” he said. “I don’t want to talk about it.” They walked the rest of the way in silence.

Entering headquarters felt like stepping directly into hell. Tenzo didn’t miss the shifting expressions of every ANBU they passed - from relief to see Tenzo and Kakashi returning, to confusion when they realized Hanako wasn’t with them, to pain when they realized she was dead, and, finally, to pity when they realized Kakashi and Tenzo must have watched her die. Tenzo didn’t want their pity - if anything he deserved their anger and hatred. His inability to protect Hanako had killed her. It was his fault one of their own was dead! The whispers he had endured when he first started in ANBU - muttered rumors about the dangerous ROOT transfer - had all been warranted. He  _ was _ dangerous, thanks to his inability as a shinobi.

They entered the locker room and Tenzo suddenly felt as if he couldn’t walk another step. He fell onto the bench in the middle of the room, covering his face with his hands.

“I have to fill out some paperwork because of…” Kakashi started. “Because of what happened. I’ll be back.” Tenzo didn’t so much as nod. He heard Kakashi’s footsteps retreating and the door open, then close. 

“Hey Tenzo.” 

Tenzo turned to see a somewhat familiar ANBU emerging from the showers behind him - what was his name again? Fumio? Fumito? Tenzo sighed. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t really up for talking anyway.

“I heard what happened on your mission,” Fumito or whatever his name was said. Tenzo scoffed.

“Good news travels fast,” he muttered. 

“I’m really sorry to hear about it,” Fumito continued. “It’s never easy losing a comrade.” 

Tenzo gritted his teeth. He wished Fumito would just shut up. He didn’t understand -  _ couldn’t _ understand what Tenzo was feeling. He hadn’t just  _ lost _ a comrade, he had pretty much caused her death. If he had just paid attention to his surroundings, she would still be alive. But he had focused all his attention on the one ash-user and had completely neglected to consider the threat from the remaining enemies. He didn’t deserve to wear the Leaf symbol, he didn’t deserve ANBU, he should be back in ROOT where he belongs with the other murderers and traitors and -

“Tenzo what are you doing?” Fumito said, worry in his voice. “Tenzo, Tenzo!!” Tenzo looked over to see vines shooting towards Fumito from somewhere. Fumito jumped backwards. “Tenzo, stop it!” 

The vines followed him. Tenzo looked around for the source and noticed the vines were all around him - wrapped around the bench he sat on, climbing up the lockers, attacking everyone in the locker room. With a gasp, Tenzo realized the vines were coming from him.

“Everyone out!” Fumito yelled. Several ANBU ran for the door. “Tenzo’s lost it!” 

Tenzo tried to stop the ever-growing tangle of vines but he seemed to have no control over them. The screams of the ANBU escaping the locker room echoed around him, haunting his thoughts. They were terrified of him - as they should be! Hanako had just died because of him and now thanks to Orochimaru’s failed madness he was about to kill everyone in sight! Why had he left ROOT, why had he survived the experiments?! He should’ve died back there with the other kids, everyone would be better off.

“Hatake-san, stay out of here!” a voice yelled from the doorway. “Tenzo’s gone crazy!” 

“What?” Kakashi’s voice. “Tenzo, what the hell are you doing?!” Tenzo looked over at him. 

“I can’t stop it,” he said. “It’s programmed into me! Orochimaru and Danzo… they made me a killer and now I can’t stop…” Kakashi jumped from the wall to the lockers and down to where Tenzo was sitting. 

“Tenzo, stop it,” he said. “You’re not a killer. Stop this.”

“I killed Hanako,” Tenzo said. “I wasn’t able to save her.” Kakashi took Tenzo’s hands in his own.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Kakashi said. “This is your first mission to lose a teammate, right? I wish I could say the same. But we’re ANBU. Death is in our job description. There’s nothing you or I or Hanako or anyone else here can do about that. You survived back there, and you kept me alive too. Hanako’s death isn’t your fault.”

“How can you be sure?” Tenzo whispered, aware of the tears staining his cheeks. 

“Because I know you,” Kakashi said. “And I know this isn’t who you are.” Tenzo let his head drop on to Kakashi’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know who I am,” he said. Kakashi placed one hand on the back of his neck.

“I’ll help you figure it out,” he whispered. Relieved sighs of the other ANBU gathered by the door led Tenzo to realize his vines had stopped their attack. With a sign he made them disappear.

“I’m sorry,” he said, lifting his head off of Kakashi’s shoulder. “I don’t know what happened. I thought I had control of the mokuton but I guess not.”

“It’s okay,” Kakashi said. “We’ll figure it out together.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've always like the headcannon that Tenzo doesn't have full control over the mokuton and that when he's feeling really happy or really upset, it just kind of does things on its own. But I'd never written about it, so I decided to change that.


End file.
